I have been spending time chatting with my sisser on MSN.  We've been discussing Camerland extensively.  It has been lying dormant and asleep for several years now, but it is beckoning and calling.  The people are reaching out to us.  It feels like coming home.  It took us so many years to develop it and make it what it once was, but we misused it and it crashed.  It was such a horrible blow.  But with a little time, it has come alive once more.  And I am so excited as it was like a very large part of who we were... and still are.  Many people thought we took it too serioulsy, others not seriously enough.  But I believe the latter.  It could have been so much more than it was... it just needed us to be better than who we were.  But here it is, lying on the verge of awakening... and I am amped over it!!  Much love. <333

It has been a very long day.................. Really long.  And tomorrow... I get the pleasure of working with Delores... again.  However, it is only until 7:30... so this is good.Plus I will not go in until 5.  Yea!!  But seriously, she need not talk to me as it will fall on deaf ears.  I have nothing to say to her or hear from her.  I am so tired.  I think I will go to sleep soon.  I felt bad tonight.  I seriously think I hurt Heather's feelings... I didn't mean to.  I didn't realize how mean I was being to her.  I didn't want to make her sad.  =(  She gets on my nerves, but she is still my friend and there is no reason for me to act like that.


SARAH!  Your hair?!  I cannot wait to see it tomorrow!!! =D  It's uber exciting!!  Well, it is time to sleep now.  Good night, world!!

The winds howled and gates bumped back and forth, causing quite a stir in the graveyard. Dali walked down the cobblestone path, hoping soon to reach the other side... giving her only another block before home. She squeezed her arms tighter around her, her dog-eared, black hair whipping in the gusty wind. Her mesh sleeves offered very little resistance to the bitterness of the night chill. Her black lips stayed pursed as she walked unafraid through the dead zone.

As she walked past the oldest part of the cemetary, she saw a dark figure slip into the shadows. Her head whipped around and she stopped in her tracks. Curiosity running through her mind, Dali took a step from the cobblestone path. She walked in the direction the shadow had gone. She looked around the crumbling headstones, some of them taller than she was. A breeze more frigid than the normal blew past her and she fell to her knees, unable to withstand the cold. As her knees hit the ground, and mud soaked into her black and white striped socks, she looked out in front of her, and followed a pair of long, dark legs with her eyes. Before her stood a man wearing a long black coat.

"You seem a little lost, " he told her.

"No," she sighed, relieved that he wasn't a ghost. "I just saw something."

"Be cautious, my young friend," he warned. "Be wary what you follow here... if you aren't lost, you certainly will be."

A bush behind her rustled and she looked over her shoulder to try and catch a glimpse of whatever had caused the disturbance. Seeing nothing, she turned back only to find that the stranger had disappeared. Dali shook her head unsure that she had actually just held a conversation with the man. She started back across the cemetary. She went back the way she thought she had come. But a moment's wondering found her in the middle of the cemetary... the cobblestone path connecting in the center with every other cobblestone path that led throughout the cemetary; a place she had never seen in all the years she had traveled through the cemetary. Dali whirled in circles, not sure which way was the right way.

"Choose carefully," a whispering menace came on the breeze. "The right choice will lead you home... the wrong one will lead you to the end..."

"Who's there?!" she cried out. "I saw you!! I talked to you!! Who are you?!"

Suddenly the wind died out and Dali stood in complete silence... not even a cricket chirping could be heard. Then she heard the footsteps coming down one of the paths. She turned, looking at each one, trying to see anything. As if reading her mind, the strange man came into view once again. Unable to see his face, Dali's brow creased.

"Who... are you?" she asked him yet again.

"I am the one who can show you from this place," he told her. "But you must put complete faith in me."

"I don't know you," she yelled at him. "How can I have faith in something I don't know?"

"That... you will have to find out on your own," he informed her. He looked directly at her, and behind his long, stringy, matted, black hair, she saw his eyes. The black circles encasing the sunken sockets. She gasped and fell backward. She scrambled around, getting to her feet and running. She ran, not knowing which way she was going. Each time she looked back, she saw him walking toward her, no more than a few feet back. And although she was running fast, she realized that she couldn't feel her heart beating... she had no sweat pouring from her forehead. Dali ran with everything she had, feeling for the first time since she had been a little kid, fear so strong it engulfed her.

Up ahead of her, she saw the wrought-iron gate that led to the other side of the cemetary. Excitement coming over her, she ran faster. She looked back one more time and the man was gone. Dali hit the gate, still running. Her weight barely even moving the huge metal door. She tried to pull it open, but looked down to find it locked tight... something it had never been. She pulled at the lock, trying to free herself, when she felt a presence behind her. Breathing hard, but no puff of air showing in the cold, night air, Dali watched as the tall, dark man approached her, his hand inside his coat.

"Stay away from me!!" she screamed. "Leave me alone!!"

Without a word, the man simply disappeared, a key falling to the ground. Looking around, Dali saw no one else... nothing else in the area. Her hands and body shaking, she fell to her knees, grabbing the key from the dead grass. She hurried back to the lock, trying to fit the key into the small slit. It finally slid in and she gave it a turn, watching with unheard of glee as it clicked open.

Dali slammed the gate closed behind her, placing the lock back in place as she closed it, sealing the cemetary once again. Feeling her heart pounding for the first time since she'd entered the cemetary, Dali leaned against the huge, cinderblock wall, tears flowing from her eyes as she slid to a sitting position. A whispering voice came over the new warm breeze, "You never really wanted to be there..."


* * * * *


A blinding white light shone in Dali's eyes. She felt someone shoving on her chest. Her arms hung loosely to the side. The sterile smell of a hospital filling her nose. She began to come to her senses, when she heard someone yell in surprise, "She's coming back!! We're getting her back!!"

Dali began to look around groggily, her eyes still a little unfocused. Amid all the unfamiliar faces, she saw her mom in the background, her sullen face racked with pain and sorrow, tears flowing down her cheeks. Dali tried to call to her... and as she reached for her mom, she saw the bandages around her wrists... a cruel reminder that she never wanted to go there again...

It seems alot of people suffered from headaches and sleeplessness last night and today.  It makes me wonder if there is something in the air or maybe it is just a random phenomenon.  Yeah, headaches are a phenomenon.  Keehee.  Anyhoos, Mr. Numnums sent me a message last night because he couldn't sleep and today he sent me another message saying his head hurt.  Heather did the very same thing.  However, the fact that Hiroki-san sent two messages like that astounds me, although it makes me extremely happy. ~_~  He is so cute.  I miss him something fierce.  After I left campus today, I stopped by The Golden Rule(will forever be Goodwill to me) and bought some stuff for me and the kids.  Then decided to stop by and check up on mom.  She wasn't feeling well and asked me if I could take her all over town.  I didn't mind, except the fact that I had made prior plans.  So sorry, Sarah G... ;__;  TOMORROW!!!!  No questions asked... no helping anyone or anything... YOU ARE MY TOP PRIORITY TOMORROW!!! *squish*  Now, thinking of all the people whom have suffered headaches today, I feel a dull ache in the back of my head.  I need not think about it, less I would like to share in the pain.  Going now.  To... do... something.  Yeah. ^.^  Meow.<33333333333

I got to go to BA and hang out with mah Sarahs!! Me and Shelby. We had fun. We played games, watched D. Gray-man, ate homemade pretzels with cheese(Shelby helped make them), played DDR and Sing Star... I can't remember what else. All in all, it was a good day. Nice way to end the kids' winter break. It was so awesome!! Thanks, Sarah G., for the MP3 player and the headphones and thanks to both of ya for the totally awesome day!!! I know how to find ya now. =D It was great. See, that's all I needed... a little something to do and it changed the break from boring to excelente!! Whoot!! Soon to come... TnT!! Cannot wait... yeah... it's seven months away. Not too soon to start getting ready. *mwah* Great day. ^^

Well, here it is, Januray 1st of 2008!  Yea!  Gabe is gone... and if I'm smart, he'll stay there.  However, I do not say he is gone for good in case of my own shortcomings and weaknesses.  I need to stop playing games and let him get on with his life so I can get on with mine.  The kids don't seem too upset that he's gone.  That should tell me something right there.  Sure, Rudy said he misses him, but so do I.  That'll ease with time.  Even Shelby hasn't cried from his absence... that says alot because of them all, she is bonded to him.  Maybe they are tired too?  Who knows?  So, we are starting fresh.  I am now taking time to enjoy the things I enjoyed before... and I have friends to enjoy them with!!!  Yea!!  Getting through this first month is going to be hell, but I have my job, I have unemployment until I return to said job and I have my food stamps.  Yea for state assistance!!

Shelby is sitting behind me singing a Sarah song.  "Tomorrow we get to see Sarah, Sarah, Sarah!"  She is so excited about going to BA and meeting mah Sarahs!!  Heehee!!  The boys... they're playing games... of course.  But anyhoos, I am feeling down, but not... sad?  It is so strange how I feel this time.  After I talked to Jennifer yesterday, she opened my eyes to alot of things.  She told me that I didn't sound like me when I talked about Gabe.  She said I sounded unhappy.  And I thought about everything I say about him, and most of it is negative.  I had never realized it until she said that.  Then I talked to her about the things that have happened over this past year and she said some things that made me realize that all this time, I have done nothing but make excuses for him.  Why couldn't I see it before?!  Why?  But now I look at it as a step forward.  I don't want a man I need to make excuses for.  I don't want a man that will leave when he has to act grown up and I sure as hell am getting tired of having a man who acts more childish than my 11-year-old.  So all in all, I'm doing pretty good. ^^  Hooray for the new year!!!  Whoot!!  Rock on. =D

Being caught in the middle of someone else's drama isn't exactly your idea of fun, but next to the socializing, it might be the central theme of your day. Unfortunately, you may not be able to make everyone happy, for your feelings run counter to someone's expectations. Instead, do the Aries thing and take care of your own needs first. This can change your attitude and increase your sincerity with others. 


That says it all right there. ^^  Happy New Year!!!

Once upon a time, there was a girl... we'll call her a girl for the story's sake... anyway, and this girl had a friend.  The friend, who was her bestest and best friend in the world, was also a relative.  This girl and her best friend had been inseparable for many years as they had not only grown up together, but they had grown together.  Their hearts were intertwined.  However, there came the fateful day that the girl met a boy.  This boy wasn't special, he was a friend.  But as time went on, they shared a prom together and became more than friends.  This broke the best friend because now, the one who had been her world, was now someone else's.  She placed a smile on her face for the girl, but inside, she was shattered.  She became engulfed in the darkness, allowing it to consume her.  The girl carried on without a care in the world, thinking that everything was okay because her bestest best friend wore a smile.  Thus, their hearts received a tear.  And with each passing year, the tear seemed to get bigger and bigger until it seemed their hearts would be ripped apart.  The girl wanted to believe that everything was still alright, but her best friend seemed distant.  She seemed so unsure of herself and relied on the the girl to make her feel better.  On another fateful day, the girl talked to her best friend, and they resumed some semblance of the closeness they had shared growing up.  The tear in the middle of their hearts began to mend slightly, leaving a trail of scar tissue the length of the two beating hearts.  With each passing day, the hearts grew stronger and beat with the strength and passion with which they had been given earlier in life.  Then one day, the girl met an "online friend" and devoted her whole life to being with her new friend.  Nothing would do her but to become engulfed in her new life.  She changed everything about herself to become what she thought she wanted to be.  But time ticked away and changed the girl and her new friend.  They drifted apart, mainly due to the gap in their age, and she moved on.  But instead of running to her bestest best friend as she always had, she fell into the arms of a charming skater.  The charming skater made the girl feel special and she thought it totally rocked because she finally had the androgenous guy she had always wanted.  The best friend once again wore her smile, and allowed the girl to believe that everything was alright.  However, as the girl watched, she saw the best friend slipping away into the darkness as she had before.  But this time, instead of allowing the darkness to consume her, she embraced the darkness and let it fill her heart.  The girl saw what was happening, but did nothing to step forward and stop it.  The darkness seemed to be a comfort zone, for the girl had been there once before.  The girl and her best friend had a small amount of the bond they had always shared, but the best friend seemed different.  Distant.  The girl told herself it was because they were growing up.  However, one day, the best friend came to her and told her it was because of the scar on their hearts.  While their hearts were still attached, they had been torn so many times, that the scar tissue had built up a wall between the two hearts.  The girl felt crushed.  For she had been so blind to think that the hearts had mended, only to realize too late that she had created the wall between them.  She cried inside herself, for the best friend she had always had, now stood on the other side of this wall.  She wanted to tear the wall don, but knew that she never could.  For scar tissue is like vines.  You can cut it away, but it will always come back.  And with each return, the tissue gets bigger and bigger.  On one final fateful day, the girl met another boy.  He was the foreign boy she had never dreamed she would meet.  She got to know the foreign boy, enjoying talking to him for she enjoyed his eyes.  However, it was to be short-lived for he was going away.  She wanted to spend one good time with the foreign boy before he left, so she told a lie.  Not just to the charming skater who nothing of the foreign boy, but to everyone; including the best friend.  Now, she came out and told the best friend the truth, but by then, it was too late.  She had already taken the one final step to the destruction of the two hearts.  The best friend no longer seemed to respond in the same way.  The girl tried to talk to the best friend about it, but the best friend had already been working on a replacement for the girl.  This devastated the girl because her best friend no longer needed her.  The girl had led herself to believe that their hearts were invincible.  But they were not.  And now, the best friend had given the girl the same empty feeling the girl had given the best friend so many times.  And all hope was lost for the two hearts.  The scar tissue had become so massive, that looking over it had become impossible.  The girl cried and cried because she wanted to see her best friend, but the best friend was hidden away somewhere on the other side.

El Fin

Yea!!  One more week until my life can start being normal again!!  Whoot!!  Well... some semblance of normal.  Heehee!!  Whatever normal is.  The kids go back to school on Thursday, so I am looking forward to that as well!!  Yeaness!!  Then classes start again in a week and a half!  I can't wait for that!!  Mwahahaha!!  I can finally get things moving along!  I have a goal.  I will lose 40 lbs and firm and tone in order to be ready for August... okay... maybe I am obsessing... there are other reasons for my resolution... that is just one of the major ones. ^^  Anyhoos... yeah... that's goooooood.


________________________________________________________________________________________

Basics

What's your favorite color?
Black

What's your favorite animal?
Kitty cats

Who's your role model?
My sophomore English teacher... Ms. Jones, I still love you!!

Family

How many siblings do you have?
2

How many people live in your house?
4

How many animals do you have
2... soon to be three...

Where do you live(trailor, mansion, regular house )?
Trailor!!!!

Freinds

Who is your most valuable freind?
Um... they're all valuable...

Which freind do you look up to the most?
The one that is taller than me...

How many best freinds do/did you have?
5... Barbara, Sarah G., Sarah F., Candy, and Brenda!!

How many freinds have moved out of your city?
>.<  Too many... THEY ALL LEFT ME ALONE!!!!  But I love them anyway... ^^

Would you rather have...

coke or sprite?
I have given up on soda.

lunch or dinner?
Lunch!!  It's sociable!

a sister or brother?
Both!

Mcdonalds or Burger King?
Neither... *gag*

boyfreind or freind?
Hmm... heh... both. =D

hug or kiss?
Depending on the person...

pinch or poke?
POKE! poke poke poke poke poke!!!

clown or doll?
Clowns... please.  Dolls scare the living shit out of me...

Hoping everyone has a safe and happy holidays!!  Heehee!!  So far so good.  I am cooking dinner and mom, dad and my brother are supposed to come over.  Heehee!!!  Anyhoos, life is good... for now.  Happy holidays!!  Much love to all!! <3333333333

I bought groceries today.  Yea.  I wish there was something else to do.  Nothing seems to be going right for me lately... I am in a constant state of... blah.  I got Christmas shopping finished... I hope everyone likes what they got... I have been out twice today and now mom wants me to come over and bring the kids... but I don't really want to get out... and she'll expect me to stay forever. >.<  Love her to death, but I'm not sure about being there... she's so moody.  I'll go and hopefully things will be smooth.  Anyhoos... that's it... I think...